VPD of RvB
by silentshadow01
Summary: Welcome to the city of Vale a clean city with the most diligent and skilled police force there is. . . .Except for one group. Follow the group of officers of this precinct and watch them fulfill their duties as officers of the law as they solve crimes that have arisen after a long period of peace to protect the citizens of Vale. . .Well we're fucked; Possible M rating in the future
1. First Times the Charm

**Well hello everyone and welcome to the first chapter of Vale's police department of Red vs Blue or as the title stands VPD of RvB.**

**Some back story to why I'm making this is because I was looking through the reviews of my other story where I added a reference to RvB and it made think and the outcome was this so thank you whoever gave me that review (Won't say names) as this became a reality**

**Well anyways before we begin**

**Disclaimer: All property is owned by their rightful owners, I only own the story**

**Now that's out of the way, without further ado let's begin**

* * *

It was early summer in the city of Vale as heat was beating down on the city as a small police station in a remote part of the city was very lax as no crimes has been committed in ages in that part of town it was stationed in. Inside the station there was currently only a few members of the police force as all the rest have either relocated to different stations to actually work or get different employments. The ones that stayed are still here as there were no positions available in different stations or the fact most police stations would rather hire a cigar smoking monkey than them even if it was unethical.

Inside the station sitting behind the the front desk of the police station was a large slightly obese man with unruly brown hair and an equally unruly beard with crumbs all over it. He was wearing the usual Vale police outfit which consisted of a white shirt, black pants with suspenders but instead of the black tie was an orange one. The man had his feet up on the front desk as he was sleeping peacefully with a snack cake in his hand

"Grif! I thought I told you to help me carry these boxes!" A man with combed back brown hair and glasses walked in carrying a large box that he struggling to carry. The man had the same cop uniform as Grif but with a maroon tie

"And I thought I told you Simmons that I'm working" Grif said lazily as he let out a loud yawn

"Working! You're just sleeping!" Simmons yelled at Grif as he nearly fell as he walked up to the front desk

"Incorrect I'm resting my eyes while manning my post" Grif said gesturing to front desk

"Grif we had no one come in, nor anyone call this section for help for a long ass time so stop being lazy and help dammit!" Simmons shouted as he stomped his foot down causing him to lose balance as the box he was carrying slipped out of his hands and fell down onto his foot "Goddammit!" Simmons shouted in pain as he hopped around clutching his foot before slipping on a snack cake wrapper causing him to fall down and hit his head "Ow! The back of my head" Simmons shouted in pain

"Well isn't that Karma" Grif said jokingly

"How is that Karma, this doesn't isn't even qualify as Karma!" Simmons shouted angrily from his position on the ground

"No you were a pain in the head and now you have a pain in your head. Karma works in the most mysterious ways don't you agree" Grif said mockingly while trying his best to hold in his laughter

"Dammit Grif! I thought I also told you to throw away all this trash" Simmons said as he clutched his head in pain as he stood back up

"No your exact words were 'Grif would you mind cleaning up after yourself' which by the way I did mind as I'm not this station's janitor" Grif said taking out another snack cake and threw the wrapper on the ground

"Well maybe if you don't waste our funding on snack cakes maybe we could, oh I don't know. Afford one!" Simmons shouted angrily at Grif who shrugged

"Meh"

Simmons let out a groan as he placed his hand against his face "Could you please just help me move these boxes already, Sarge wants us to take these to his workshop" Simmons said tiredly as Grif let out a annoyed groan

"What does Sarge even need this crap in first place" Grif said as he ate another snack cake

"Don't know, all he said it was a project of his" Simmons said as he hefted the box up again "All I know is that this crap is heavy" Simmons said with a groan

**_'Simmons, Grif, I thought I already told you two to bring that shipment up to my workshop. Double time maggots!'_** The intercom of Sarge crackled

"Right away sir!" Simmons exclaimed as the intercom turned off

"Ugh, great now I actually have to work" Grif said lazily as he pulled his feet off the desk and stood up.

"Shut and help me carry this" Simmons said as Grif let out a groan as he walked up to Simmons and helped him carry the box. Simmons was in front carrying while Grif was on the other side _'Supporting'_ it

"God damn this are heavy" Simmons said as he let out a grunt

"Yeah it's really heavy. Hnng, wowsa" Grif said making fake groaning noises as Simmons stared at Grif on the other side of the box before letting go causing Grif to nearly stumble down as the entire weight of the box fell down on him

"Okay, heavy, heavy, help a little help" Grif said quickly as Simmons smirked before helping Grif carry the box "You're an ass you know that" Grif said glaring at Simmons who smirked

"Shut it cockbite" Simmons said smugly as they entered Sarge's workshop

"About time you two got here" Sarge said walking up to the two of them. Sarge was an old yet very fit man with a his grayish hair in a standard military haircut. His uniform was the same as the other twos but had his sleeves rolled up, dog tags around his neck and the military symbol of the rank of Sargent sown onto his right sleeve as he wanted the military version instead of the badge "Put it over there and don't drop it, you might damage it. Who knows what might happen if one piece gets damaged" Sarge said as Simmons flinched as they had already dropped it

"Mind telling me what is with the this stupid heavy ass box" Grif said as he and Simmons placed the box on the table

"Your replacement numb nuts" Sarge said as Grif rolled his eyes "This here baby is Police command's gift to us***1** for our clean state here in our precinct" Sarge said proudly as Grif and Simmons looked at each other

"Maybe for the fact. Nothing happens here!" Grif shouted as the last part echoed throughout the police station a couple of times

"Ah who asked you" Sarge said as he started taking out parts from the boxes

"You did" Grif said as Sarge let out frustrated gruff

"Simmons! I want you to poison Grif's next meal!" Sarge shouted at Simmons

"Will do sir" Simmons said with a salute

"My god are you a kiss ass" Grif said with his arms crossed

"Shut it cockbite, because unlike you I'm working for a promotion" Simmons said dutifully

"Yes being promoted from ass kisser to boot licker, such a promotion" Grif said sarcastically as Simmons glared at him

"First off what you said was a demotion not a promotion" Simmons started

"Yea but you always kissing up to him you might as well start kissing the ground he walks on" Grif retorted

"That was a burn" Sarge stated taking out some weird mechanical parts from the box

"Thank you sir" Grif said surprised Sarge would take his side

"Shut up numb nuts and come over here, I need your hands" Sarge said dully

"Why me?"

"Because yours has more meat on them, and when I mean meat I mean fat. . . Because you're so fat" Sarge said as he stared at Grif who stared back dryly

"I get it sir" Grif said unenthusiastic

"Good because I just wanted to remind you of what you are. . . which is being fat"

"I get it" Grif said this a little annoyed

"I just wanted make things clear that you are much larger than the rest of us"

"I get it!" Grif said more sternly and annoyed

"Good, didn't want you to get a big head which you already have because you are so fat"

"I. Get. It!" Grif exclaimed sternly

"Oh good. Thought you didn't get what I was hinting at" Sarge said happily

"You're as subtle as a bull in a china shop" Grif said dryly as at that moment a bull faunus who browsing a china shop stopped and stared out the window

"Nonsense, bulls have the finesse of a majestic eagle" Sarge said pridefully

"Yeah an eagle that was force to swallow a gallon of alcohol" Grif said dryly

"Exactly" Sarge agreed as Grif just stared at him

". . . . I got nothing to respond to that"

"Good because if you kept talking I would've. Taken this out and PA-CHOW!" Sarge said quickly as Grif, as a man bigger than an average person could, quickly ducked when Sarge brought out his shotgun and fired "Ah, you weren't supposed to duck" Sarge said sadly as Grif glared at the man

"Yea if I did I would've died" Grif said hotly

"A man could only dream" Sarge said with a distant gaze as he sighed

"Didn't you say you needed my hands" Grif asked dryly

"Nah, just wanted you to grab this here doohickey and get electrocuted" Sarge said as he held up a clamp that held a piece of equipment that a spark of electricity crackled slightly around it

"Ugh, sir" Simmons said speaking as he interrupted Grif from saying something

"Hm?" Sarge grunted as he looked at Simmons as he placed the part down

"If I might ask, what exactly were in that box as you didn't tell us what they were" Simmons asked

"But Simmons, I did tell you already" Sarge said in a condescending tone

"You did?"

"He did?"

"Of course I did, I said I was making Grif's replacement" Sarge said proudly as Grif gaped at him

"You were serious!" Grif nearly shouted in disbelief

"Of course I was, this here is the new state of the art Atlesian Knight-201" Sarge said proudly

"Two hundred and one? But the new models are 200's, why is ours called 201?" Simmons asked confused

"Because I swiped the manifest from the shipping company so that the bot command was sending us would be this new prototype" Sarge said with a chuckle as Grif slowly turned to Simmons

"We can plead innocent when the government comes knocking down our doors right?" Grif whispered dryly

"Innocent? I'm pleading that he's insane so I don't get my record tarnished from what he's doing" Simmons whispered back

"What you two whispering about?" Sarge asked

""Nothing"" The two nearly shouted

* * *

At the same time two people were on the roof on the other side of the street. One was pacing back and forth while the other was crouched with a sniper rifle in hand

"So we're just going to let them build the thing Church" The one pacing asked. The man had dark skin and black hair that was in a dreadlocks ponytail. He wore a dark suit with a white shirt and a teal tie

"Yea, apparently our boss knew about them taking the thing and decided they could use the data from them using it as it could be basically tried as a test run" The other man named Church said. He had combed back hair, a trimmed goatee and had half-rim square glasses. The man wore the exact same clothing as the other man but with a cobalt tie instead

"So this is basically them protecting the scientists if this thing goes ballistic and kills everyone" the man deadpanned

"That's basically the gist of it Tucker" Church said putting down the rifle

"Wow. . Our government are a bunch of assholes" Tucker said as Church let out chuckle

"Yea, I'm just glad we're getting paid just to watch these guys probably get rip to shreds by this thing while we call it in" Church said cynically

"Man that's cold"

"Yea but they did steal a robot that basically costs millions of lein to make as it still in the prototype stage" Church said as Tucker thought about it for a moment

"Okay, you got a point" Tucker said

"Yea so let's just sit back and relax" Church said as he pulled out two foldable chairs and setting them down

"Mind letting me use the sniper rifle" Tucker asked

"Maybe later"

* * *

"So we're just going to build a robot that has never been put on the market yet" Grif summarized

"Yep" Sarge said as he finished putting a leg together and put it down on his worktable

"Alright, do you want us to do anything?" Simmons asked

"Nah, got everything here. You just get in the way" Sarge said waving him off

"Oh. . Okay sir" Simmons said sounding disappointed

"My god are you pathetic" Grif said dully as he began walking out the room with Simmons in tow

"Shut it Grif you don't understand how I feel" Simmons said hotly sounding as if he was crying like a teenage girl being rejected by a boy she likes

"My god, do you know how much a girl you just sounded like. Hell my sister doesn't sound that girly" Grif said as he shook his head

"Isn't your sister a who-" Simmons didn't finish that as Grif elbowed his face "OW! The front of my face" Simmons said clutching his face in pain

"That's what you get for talking trash about my sister" Grif said seriously as they neared the front desk as they started hearing something

"Goddammit Grif you hit me so hard my ears are ringing" Simmons said as he picked his ears while Grif looked confused

"Actually" Grif started as the two of them stopped "I hear it as well" He said as they heard the ringing and again and walked into the front desk lounge as the ringing became louder. They looked around until they laid their eyes on the phone on the front desk as it was ringing loudly

". . . . Holy crap we got a call" Simmons said softly as Grif stared at the phone "Holy crap! We got a call!" Simmons shouted in amazement and complete shock "What do we do!" Simmons shouted as they have never once in their times as police officers had a report come in to their area of Vale

"Didn't even think we had a phone" Grif said calmly as he crossed his arms as he stared at the phone

"This is serious Grif!" Simmons exclaimed hysterically as he began reciting what to do in this situation from the official police handbook

Grif rolled his eyes as he calmly walked up to the ringing phone and picked it up "Yello is there something you need" Grif said unprofessionally as Simmons gaped at him before rushing over to him and pushing him out they way as he grabbed the phone

"Sorry about that. What is your emergency" Simon said politely but his voice cracked near the end which made Grif snicker

-There, There has been a murder here- A voice stated as Simmons flinched as he recognized it as female

"D-Don't worry mam, we'll go to your location as soon as possible. Just tell me where you are and w-we'll be there shortly" Simmons said with voice cracking up ever so slightly

-Um~ are you breaking up- The woman said slightly confused

"No no just" Simmons said coughing into his fist "Just fine, tell me the location" Simmons said trying to deepen his voice

-. . . . . The street I'm on is 14940 Dustland Ave.- The woman said quietly

"We'll be sending our homicide unit shortly" Simmons said as he hung up and looked over his shoulder to see Grif on the ground heaving silent laughs as wheezing could only be heard from him "Shut the hell up" Simmons said sternly

Grif took a deep breath before laughing loudly "O-Oh my g-god hahaha that was hilarious" Grif said as he could barely breath much less speak

"Shut it Grif you know how I am with women" Simmons shouted in embarrassment as Grif's laughter slowed down to a few giggles "Come on lardass we need to go" Simmons said as he opened the drawer and pulled out two dark aviator sunglasses in maroon and sunburnt orange tinted lenses

"Wait I thought you said the homicide unit is going to deal with it?" Grif asked as he stood back up as Simmons tossed him his orange aviators

"We _ARE_ the homicide unit" Simmons said with seriousness

"WE ARE!" Grif shouted in surprise

"Do you see anyone else in this building other than us and Sarge!" Simmons shouted as the word 'Sarge' echoed throughout the empty station as the man in question looked up from his spot at his workstation and stopped welding some pieces together to look around

"Yea but do we have to go" Grif said lazily as he put the sunglasses on

"Yes!" Simmons said in deep annoyance as he shook his hands in front of him

"Fine, but when we come back you are paying for lunch" Grif said lazily as they headed towards the garage

"I ALWAYS PAY FOR LUNCH"

"Good you understand then" Grif said as he whistled a happy tune while Simmons let out a suppressed growl. The two soon entered the garage to see their custom built police car/swat vehicle or that's what they would say if someone comes in as this is actually a M12 F.A.V***2** that Sarge got from an old military buddy that they always forget his name. They do remember his name starts with a J**  
**

"Shotgun"

"Shotgun, Fuck!" Simmons shouted angrily as Grif chuckled as he got in the passenger seat while Simmons went around and got in the drivers seat. Simmons drove out of the garage and down the street before feeling like he forgot something "Hey Grif"

"Yea" Grif said lazily as he had his arm leaning against the outside of the vehicle

"Do you feel like we're forgetting something?"

* * *

"Hello, Hello~. Simmons, Grif" Sarge called out as walked backwards warily with a pipe in hand "I need some help here, apparently the arm I was working on got a mind of its own and is trying to ki- uh I mean give me presents, yea that's it" Sarge said as he whirled around when he heard scurrying "So why don't you boys come over here and get some presents" Sarge said as he heard something scuttling behind him. Sarge quickly turned and saw the hand in mid-air about to grab his throat but Sarge hit away with the pipe

Sarge watched as it scuttled away on its fingers "Ha, thought you could get behind me. Well I'm sorry but I was not a Sargent for noth-" Sarge stopped when another arm came out of nowhere and started to strangle him "Crap! The other one got a mind of its own as well" Sarge gurgled out as the other hand came out of the hiding place and grabbed his leg.

"Ah crap" Sarge muttered when the arm pulled him to the ground as the two arms got on him and started punching him "Bring it- Ack -You punch like a girl- Right in the eye - I seen grandmas hit better than you!" Sarge shouted/taunt as he inwardly swore that he'll get his two subordinates for this insubordination of not taking the beating "Ah! My kidneys!" Sarge swore when he saw the feet join in before he kicked them off and pulled the arms of his body

Sarge scrambled back to his feet and stared at the limbs with a dry glare "If I survive this I'm gonna kill them both. Slowly" Sarge swore as he let out a war cry as he charged at the limbs with his fists held up high as the limbs charged at him as well ready to fight their creator

* * *

"Nah, if we didn't remember than it wasn't anything important" Grif said waving it off as Simmons thought about it for a moment

"Yeah you're probably right. Right now it's this case we have to focus on" Simmons said as they continued to drive off towards the directions of the murder to begin their first case, god help the people they are trying to help

* * *

***1: No idea who technically runs all the precincts or whatever they are so I'm just making it up**

***2: Just imagine the vehicle in black and white and the two lights on top red and blue**

**Well I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter and I hope I lived up to your RvB expectations. Now then if you please leave a comment, review or PM I'll see you all later, have a great day.**


	2. Crime Scene

**Welcome back to the second chapter of VPD of RvB I hope you all enjoy. Now before we begin**

**Disclaimer: All property is owned by their rightful owners, I only own the story**

**Now then without further ado, let's begin**

* * *

Simmons and Grif were currently driving down a street in leisurely manner as Grif was continuously staring at Simmons who was constantly checking his mirrors ". . . Simmons. . . .What are you doing?" Grif asked dryly

"What does it look like I'm doing Grif, I'm driving" Simmons stated irritably as he rechecked his mirrors as he stopped at a red light

"Simmons. . don't question me about doing my job or not but aren't we supposed to be going to some homicide or something?" Grif asked as Simmons gave him a glance before looking back at the road

"Of course we are" Simmons answered not sure what his colleague is getting at

"I see. . . then why are we here" Grif asked as he pointed to the peaceful area they were in. . . which was in the middle of traffic

"We're driving to the crime scene of course" Simmons said dutifully

"Simmons. . We are goddamn cops. We don't wait in damn traffic, we rush around it like madmen because we're more important than everyone else" Grif said slightly infuriated as he was not one to do his job but waiting in traffic. . for FIFTEEN minutes does that to people

"But it's our job to uphold the peace, and that means to follow the rules like the rules of engagement of driving" Simmons said dutifully as Grif face palmed before staring at Simmons dryly

"Get out of the seat" Grif said as he unbuckled Simmons' seat belt and started pulling him out of the seat

"Hey! What are you doing Grif!" Simmons shouted as they pushed and shoved each other

"I'm driving, move!" Grif demanded before finally tossing Simmons over the back of the seat into the passenger area

"Hey! You can't just-" Simmons didn't get to finish what he said as Grif turned on the sirens and slammed the gas pedal causing the Warthog to lurch forward, making Simmons hit his head on the back of Grif's seat. Grif kept making hard turns, some of which he didn't need to do, as Simmons was bouncing around in the back hitting against the windows and the seats. Grif made another hard turn that caused the Warthog to spiral out and turn over the car thrashing about as they soon rolled into a perfect parallel park in front of the place they were supposed to be

"We're here" Grif stated calmly as he turned the sirens off as he looked back into the passenger seats. Simmons was an honest mess as he hair was disheveled, his skin was pale from freight and he was panting heavily with his hand clutched over his heart

"I. Hate. You" Simmons panted out

"Hate you too buddy" Grif said while getting out of the car as Simmons fumbled with opening the car and fell out onto his side a little jittery

After awhile of calming down Simmons finally got back up and straighten himself up. Simmons looked around and saw Grif leaning against a holopost, smoking a cigarette. Simmons groaned in frustration before going into the back of the Warthog and got out some materials

"Come on Grif and put that out! That may damage the crime scene" Simmons yelled at Grif who scoffed before dropping the cigarette on the ground and stamped it out before following Simmons into the alleyway they were parked in front of

They walked down the alleyway until they came across the body. The body was of a man with dark skin as the body was face first on the ground with several puncture wounds on the back "My god" Simmons said breathlessly while Grif let out a long whistle

"Man this dude sure pissed off the wrong guy" Grif said as Simmons stared at him

Simmons shook his head before taking something out of the bag he was carrying and gave it to Grif "Just mark the body" Simmons said sternly placing the florescent tape in Grif's hands

"And how am I supposed to do that" Grif asked tossing the tape in the air

"Just surround the body while I look for what for whatever evidence I can find about what could've happened here" Simmons said hotly as he pulled out a few props that had numbers on them and began looking around the scene. Simmons walked up to the body placing a sign that said '1', he walked around and found blood splatters a few feet from where they came from and placed a '2' there. Simmons looked around and saw a dumpster with some dent marks that that had scracth marks ooked recent from the rusty metal it had which made him place a '3' there

"Done" Grif announced as Simmons looked back

"Grif! That's not what I meant!" Simmons shouted in disbelief as Grif did surround the body in tape. . surrounded the body in a big circle

"What? You told me to surround the body with tape and I did just that" Grif said lazily

"When I said to surround the body, I meant the body's outline not the area around it!" Simmons said pulling his hair at Grif's idiocy

"Meh"

Simmons let out a groan as he dragged his hand across his face "Just get rid of that tape and redo it" Simmons said in exasperation

"Fine, fine" Grif said as Simmons turned his back on him to examine the crime scene again.

Simmons looked around and found dust round casings and marked the area with a '4'. Simmons looked around and saw nothing that looked out in the ordinary "I think that's it" Simmons said as he looked back and saw the tape surrounding the victim was gone and now was outlining the guy "Alright now that I got everything, now we have to piece together what happened and send this guy back to forensics" Simmons explained as Grif kicked a can

". . Wait. . Who's forensics again?" Grif asked as Simmons stared at him in frustration

"WE ARE!" Simmons shouted as Grif let out a sound of acknowledgement "By Oum I sometimes wonder how you even became a cop" Simmons said with his hand against his face

"You mean other than our government sucks" Grif said lazily as Simmons didn't respond and just pulled out a clipboard

"Alright, the victim is an Vacuoan male, looks like late thirties-"

"Hold on" Grif said interrupting Simmons

"What" Simmons said in exasperation

"You can't just say he's Vacuoan because he's black, that's racist" Grif said as Simmons stared at him in disbelief

"That's the title for their class of citizenship Grif!" Simmons shouted at his colleague

"No because he could've been from Atlas or here in Vale so that makes you a racist" Grif said with a huff

"That's not what it means Grif!" Simmons shouted as he stomped his foot on the ground

"Yes it does"

"No it doesn't"

"Yes it does"

"No it doesn't"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"NO IT DOES NOT!" Simmons shouted as he was at the edge of his wit before he ripped his hair out

". . . . Yes it does" Grif said quietly as Simmons let out a loud frustrated groan

"Lets just agree to disagree, okay" Simmons said irritably

"Fine. . . Racist" Grif muttered behind Simmons' back as he let out a sigh as he turned back to the corpse

"Victim is a _BLACK_ male" Simmons sad with emphasis as he looked at Grif who scoffed at him "Appears to be in his mid thirties with several knife wounds in his back-"

"How do you know if it's a knife"

"What?"

"How do you know if it's a knife" Grif said once again as Simmons just stared at him

"Because the entry wounds are from a knife" Simmons said pointing at the body as the wounds look as if it was cut into

"Just because the guy has stab wounds doesn't mean it's from a knife, hell it could've been from a spear, or a machete, or even a sword so how is it a knife?" Grif asked as Simmons nearly yelled in frustration

"Because the wound doesn't go straight through the corpses body" Simmons said near hysterical

". . . . But what if the guy just holds the end of the blade like the knife" Grif said as Simmons was breathing in slowly and let out a heavy sigh

"Because, their blood would be here as well" Simmons said as the only blood in the area was the victims

"Ah. . . . . . What if they-"

"SHUT UP!" Simmons shouted up to the sky before looking back down and saw Grif's smirk, Simmons narrowed his eyes at him "You did that on purpose" Simmons said in a low quiet voice as Grif chuckled

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Grif said with a playful tone as Simmons glared at him "Oh get off Simmons, I was only having fun" Grif said as Simmons was still glaring at him "I see you only care what you want and not poor guy's family. Shameful Simmons, really shameful" Grif said as Simmons gaped at him

"I do care!" Simmons shouted as Grif rolled his eyes

"Really, what's his name?" Grif said as Simmons looked at him

"How the fuck should I know" Simmons said dully as Grif shook his

"Really, I'm so sorry mister Vitus for my partners incompetence" Grif said as Simmons stared at him

". . . How do you know his name?"

"I swiped the wallet out of his back pocket" Grif said calmly while waving the wallet around

"Grif! That's vital information for the crime scene, hand it over!" Simmons demanded as Grif let out a huff

"Fine" Grif said before tossing the wallet to Simmons

Simmons opened the wallet to find it empty "Grif!"

"Fine, here" Grif said tossing the man's credit cards and ID

Simmons caught them and put them back in the wallet as he examined the ID "Let's see, Aeden Vitus: Age 33, race: Vacuoan, HA TOLD YA!" Simmons shouted in glee as Grif grumbled and walked off "Alright, where was I" Simmons said looking back at the ID and taking down the other information that was of use before putting the card back in the wallet and in the man's back pocket

"Can we go now, lunch is about to be over and I do not want to buy that bullshit dinner menu they have at our diner" Grif said dully

"No we now have to get this body in the Warthog, get the stretcher and body bag would you" Simmons asked with a sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose

"We have a stretcher?" Grif asked

"Yes, it's in the bottom compartment in the back. Think of it like a back trunk" Simmons explained

"Wait, we have a bottom compartment in the Warthog. . . Dammit, could've hidden a lot of stuff in there" Grif cursed as Simmons stared directly at him

"Just get the damn stretcher and body bag" Simmons said blandly

"Alright, alright I'm going" Grif said walking as Simmons let out a sigh

"I swear Sarge is having a better time than me"

* * *

"Now little buddy how about you put that do-" Sarge ran to cover because apparently the arms learned how to use his shotgun and started shooting at him "Dammit, this is what happens when I leave my shotgun around. From now on I'm carrying my shotgun wherever I go no matter what people say about safety" Sarge swore as the hands shot at him again "It's a good thing I already took down the legs or this would be a problem" Sarge said with a chuckle as he looked to the side to see the legs squirming under the ginormous box they were trapped under

Sarge heard the hands pull the trigger again but the gun didn't go off as it just went 'Click' "Ha! Ran out of ammo!" Sarge exclaimed as he jumped over his cover and tackled the arms as his shotgun was thrown to the side "Take this and this and little more of this hahaha" Sarge said dementedly as he began punching the arms repeatedly until they sparked and the lights turned off with a hiss

"Whoo~ About time they stopped" Sarge said with a huff as he got up and picked the arms up before placing them on the table. He then went over to the legs that were still kicking and stomped on them causing them to spark and turn off themselves. Sarge pushed the crate off and carried the legs back to the table and placed them next to arms "Well at least now I'll get some work done" Sarge said with a tired huff as he pulled out the chest and head out of the box that weren't turned on yet

"Well better see what's going on with machinery to make sure this doesn't happen again and then start building this thing the bottom up. Now then, where's that tiny switch at?"

* * *

"Ah, it's over. I was actually enjoying watching that old man get beat up by those mechanical parts" Church said with a chuckle while eating some popcorn from the bucket he had in his laps while looking through the scope of the sniper rifle

"Yea well it would've been nice if** _I_** got to see it as well" Tucker said hotly as Church rolled his eyes

"Tucker, the next time a homicidal robot tries to attack an old man I'll let you use the sniper rifle, how about that" Church said with a smirk as Tucker glared at him and grumbled

"Yea, like that will ever happen. The most interesting thing that could happen now is that thing speaks Spanish" Tucker said jokingly as Church chuckled before scrunching his face

". . . . . The hell is Spanish?" Church asked putting the rifle down

"I. Don't. Know" Tucker said slowly as he scratched his head in confusion

"Well whatever, mind getting me a cappuccino from the cafe that was a block away from here" Church asked as he leaned back in his chair

"What?! And miss something awesome that could happen, fuck that" Tucker said with his arms crossed

"Oh come on, who's the senior member here" Church said with a grin

"I am! You came a few days after me!" Tucker shouted at Church who shrugged

"That may be so but who is holding the sniper rifle" Church said as he aimed the rifle at Tuckers face

"You're an ass you know that" Tucker said with gritted teeth

"Yea, tell that to my ex-wife" Church said as the atmosphere turn slightly uncomfortable

". . . . You were married?"

"Yea, she took the house and the kid" Church grumbled as Tucker seemed slightly ashamed of bringing this up

". . . So what do you want" Tucker said quietly as he didn't want to be on the roof with him any longer

"A french vanilla cappuccino with a dash of cinnamon" Church said solemnly as Tucker nodded before leaving the roof. As soon as Church heard Tucker leave a big smirk appeared on his face as he adjusted his glasses as it gleamed in the sun "That sob story always works" Church said while chuckling as he went back to watching the red cop start putting the robot together

* * *

"Grif, don't do that you'll damage the body!" Simmons shouted at Grif who tossed the stretcher with the body strapped in on top, into the back of the Warthog

"He's dead already, what's the worst we could do to a dead body" Grif said gruffly as Simmons let out a groan of frustration

"Just get in the Warthog" Simmons said tiredly

"Alright" Grif said as he was already in the drivers seat

Simmons got in the front passenger seat and was about to strap in before remembering that Grif was driving "Uh Grif maybe I should-"

"No" Grif said calmly before flooring it. Simmons went a few inches into his seat as he gripped the edges of his seat for his dear life from Grif's driving. After several minutes of swerves, close misses from oncoming traffic and one old grandma they finally made it back to the station surprisingly unharmed "Alright get out, I'm going to get something to eat" Grif said as he walked out of the Warthog and down the street where the diner they usually go to was

Simmons was shaking as he literally had to peel himself out of his seat as he fell out the Warthog again "Never. Again" Simmons panted as he settled his wobbling legs and stood upright. Simmons leaned against the Warthog as he steadied his breath before going to the back of the Warthog as he realized the body was still back there. When he opened the back he was actually surprised to see the body was actually fine and not damaged in anyway other than the original wounds it has.

Simmons let out a sigh of relief as he went to get sarge to help carry the body to the morgue. Simmons walked into the station and headed straight to Sarge's workstation. Simmons walked in only to quickly go back out and leaned against the wall when a rain of bullets flew out behind him and hit the wall opposite of him. Simmons was panting heavily before leaning slightly at the door before jerking his head back when the wall was destroyed by a shotgun round

"Sarge! It's me, Simmons!" Simmons shouted as the day he feared has come, the day his leader has finally gone senile and snapped

"I know it's you Simmons" Sarge said slowly as he put in some shells into the shotgun before pumping it "I'm just pissed off that you left me here to almost die at the hands of these hands!" Sarge shouted as he waved the mechanical hand around

"Uh~ Sarge, are you feeling alright" Simmons said as he slowly entered the workstation when Sarge put down his shotgun

"Just peachy why do you ask?" Sarge asked calmly as if what happened a few seconds ago never happened

"Uh~, never mind" Simmons said as he didn't want to question his leaders mentality

"Alright then, mind explaining where the heck you and Grif disappeared to" Sarge asked as he placed the mechanical arm back down on the table as Simmons noticed the bottom half of the robots body was already done

"Uh, we were called out because of a homicide" Simmons started to explain

"Wait as a practical joke because I swear if its that Jimmy kid again I'm going to shove my shotgun up his-"

"No!" Simmons said stopping Sarge from finishing that sentence "It was an actual call, I have the body in the Warthog and I need help carrying it to-"

"Hot damn!" Sarge exclaimed excitedly surprising Simmons greatly "Why didn't call me sooner, an actual murder is something I would love get my hands on" Sarge said with a grin as he jumped over the table and landed in front of Simmons "Let's get going, that body won't dissect itself now won't it" Sarge said excitedly as he ran out the room before Simmons could even speak

". . . . . Am I really the only sane person here" Simmons said to himself as Sarge came back into the room

"Come on Simmons we need to examine the corpse so stop talking to yourself, it's really creepy and its making me think you may need to see a psychiatrist" Sarge said as re-exited the room as Simmons sighed and followed Sarge to get the body to the morgue and began analyzing how the guy died and why

* * *

**Well I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and if you didn't keep it to yourself. Now then if you would please leave a comment, review, or PM I'll see you all later, have a great day**


	3. The Friendly Neighborhood Backalley Docs

**Hello everyone guess who's back to update this story, note that I have other stories to write so don't really expect a plan update for this story. But still enjoy the story**

**Disclaimer: All property is owned by their rightful owners, I only own the story**

**Now without further ado, lets begin**

* * *

"Alright, set him down on the table" Sarge said as they hefted the body onto the steel table in the middle of the morgue "Where's Grif?" Sarge asked as he looked around for the bag with his autopsy tools

"He went to get something to eat" Simmons said with disdain as Sarge let out a frustrated grumble that sounded just like nonsense

"I swear that boy sweats grease with all that greasy crud he eats" Sarge muttered as he began looking through the drawers and cabinets around the cold room

"What are you looking for Sarge?" Simmons asked politely as he watched his commanding officer pull out drawers and cabinets looking for something

"I'm looking for my autopsy tools" Sarge stated as Simmons scrunched up his face in confusion

"But the scalpels are right there" Simmons said pointing to the tray with the scalpels laid out next to the body

"Bah, like I'll work with those girly things. FOUND IT" Sarge said as he pulled out a bone-saw "Now let's get to chopping" Sarge announced as he hovered over the dead man's skull with the saw

"SARGE NO!" Simmons shouted at Sarge who stopped from making the first sawing motion

"What why?" Sarge asked completely confused

"You can't just desecrate a body with a saw like that!" Simmons exclaimed at his boss

"Your right Simmons, what was I thinking" Sarge said with a nod of his head as he tossed the saw aside

"Thank Oum" Simmons said with a breath of relief before hearing a roar of an engine

"Now this is more like it!" Sarge shouted over the engine of the chainsaw he pulled out under the table as he began lowering it towards the body

"NOO!" Simmons shouted as he grabbed Sarge's arm

"Simmons stop, I can't carve up this corpse if you hold onto me like that" Sarge shouted as tried to push Simmons away as the two began a tug of war with the chainsaw before they threw it to side where the chainsaw cut into the floor. But what was odd about that was the chainsaw that was sawing the floor was moving and headed out the room on its own accord

The two officers stared at the runaway saw as they heard it break something as the two quickly left the morgue to see the trail it left as it led them towards the front entrance where broke down the door and went outside. The two went to front of the precinct to see the saw marks on the concrete ground as they turned to the left to see it go off in the distance still sawing the ground

". . . . . . . . That is one damn good chainsaw" Simmons acknowledged from the silence

"Yea it was. . . . You owe me a new one" Sarge said before walking back into the precinct

"Understandable" Simmons said walking back in behind Sarge

"What I miss?" Grif asked as the two turned to see him munching on a burger while holding a soda in the other hand

"Other than a runaway chainsaw, nothing much" Simmons stated dryly as Grif turned to the saw up ground before looking back at them

". . . . Okay" Grif said with a shrug as he just ignored it as he walked back into the precinct with the other two

"Well I seems I'm going to go back to cutting that corpse open with the bone-saw" Sarge said upbeat as he wasn't deterred from the loss of his chainsaw

"No we can't desecrate the corpse, what would the victims family think if you cut up the man's corpse!" Simmons exclaimed as Sarge stopped to think about it

"You're right Simmons" Sarge agreed as Simmons let out a breath of relief "You're going to do it"

"WHAT!" Simmons shouted in shock

"That way I won't be blamed and you can get hands on experience when it comes to cutting up bodies" Sarge said matter-of-factly

"I won't cut up that man's corpse" Simmons said crossing his arms in a x-motion

"Well if you won't do it then, Grif! How well can you saw" Sarge shouted at his subordinate who was slurping his soda

"Sorry but I can't do it" Grif said dully while finishing off his burger

"And why not?" Sarge questioned seriously

"When was the last time you seen me do physical labor" Grif pointed out dryly

"Good point. If you did it, it would take two days just to get an inch in. Now what" Sarge asked stumped as he had no ways to cut open the corpse for fun-ugh I mean, examinations

"We could always use the scalpels and follow the guidelines in performing autopsies" Simmons stated as the other two officers stared at him dully ". . . . Or we can find someone else to do it for us" Simmons said with dry huff

"Great idea! I'm glad I came up with it" Sarge said happily

"But I-"

"Now where to find this helper to cut up this man" Sarge said mostly to himself as Simmons already gave up trying to take back his credit

"We can always go to the back alley doctor that is near our precinct" Grif said with a loud slurp as he finished his soda

"We have a back alley doctor?" Sarge asked incredulously

"Yea, how do you think I haven't died from alcohol poisoning yet. That man has a ton of livers" Grif stated incredulously at the amount of livers the doctors had

"Grif how could you!" Sarge shouted at the obese man

"Yea! How can you just take livers from a man who probably stole-"

"Why didn't you tell me we have a back alley doctor who has spare organs. I could use those" Sarge exclaim with a maniacal grin at the prospect of getting fresh organs for Oum knows what

"Sarge you can't do that, we have a sanctum to up hold the law and-" Simmons stopped when he noticed Sarge took out a briefcase of Lien

"Sorry what was that Simmons? I was too busy taking out the Lien I had saved up for a rainy day that I'm now going to use to pay the doctor" Sarge asked as he began walking to the door

"I give up" Simmons said disheartened as he threw his hands up in the air

"Technically they aren't really doctors and there are two of them. I get mixed up with their names as one of them is in some weird ass accent and the other ones a total ass sometimes, so I just call them Doc and O'Malley" Grif said with an uncaring shrug

"Good to know, now lead the way Grif and don't worry about us getting lost. We just need to follow your fat ass because no one can miss that, ugh" Sarge said disgusted while Grif just flipped him the bird

"Come on, the sooner we get this over, the sooner I can go home for the night" Grif grumbled as the trio left the precinct

* * *

"It seems the cops are on the move again" Church stated from the sniper lens

"Well I guess that most exciting thing we'll see today" Tucker complained with a bored huff

"Oh quit your bitching Tucker, be glad we're actually being paid to do nothing" Church retorted hotly

"Good point but still, I wish something interesting would happen" Tucker said at that moment monkey faunus along with a girl with a bow jumped from the building they were on to another

"Agreed but nothing happens in this neighborhood you should know that" Church agreed as a giant mech came out of nowhere and chased after the two teens

"Yea, what was I expecting was going to happen when I came here. A giant robot fight against some hot girls" Tucker joked as Church scoffed as explosions were heard in the distance

"You and your imagination" Church said playfully as Tucker shoved him as the piece of the mech's canopy embedded itself into the wall next to their building they were sitting at

"Hey, do you smell something burning?" Tucker asked while sniffing the air

"Shit my ribs!" Church said getting out of his chair towards the barbecue he put up while ignoring the smoldering remains on the side of the building while Tucker noticed four color scheme girls were walking home

"Hello~ ladies, I'll be back in bit Church" Tucker said leaving the building as Church shook his head at his friends horn-dog antics while tending to his cooking ribs. As he flipped a rib over he listened to the sound of Tucker trying to hit on the girls and soon heard the sounds of the girls _'hitting'_ on him. He soon heard a loud hit as well as Tucker's scream as he landed back on top of the roof of the building next to Church

"Welcome back, your ribs are done by the way" Church said placing a plate of ribs in front of Tucker's face down body

"Thanks" Tucker said weakly as Church took his plate of ribs and went back to his chair, eating his ribs as he did while Tucker spent the rest of the night trying to regain his body functions

* * *

"So this is the place" Sarge asked as he stared at the end of the alleyway where a door that lit by a single red light was

"Yep, now this guy has a thing where you have to clean your hands before you enter though, don't know why as he's a back alley doctor" Grif said with a shrug

"OO~, hygienic" Sarge said impressed as Simmons sighed as Grif walked up to the door and slammed on the door

"What's the password fool" A voice said that was slightly irritating to listen to as it was just layered with the sense that this guy was an asshole

"If it's the pizza guy tell him he's late" another voice shouted from the background that sounded quite naive

"It's not the pizza guy!" The voice shouted back to the other "Now the pass-"

"Then who is it!" The other voice shouted back

"I don't know! Now shut up before I rip out your entrails and where them as a tie!" The first voice threatened as it became "Now the password pl-"

"Just open the damn door O'Malley" Grif demanded dryly

"Oh, it's you. . . DOC! GET THE LIVER, GRIF IS HERE" O'Malley shouted to the other person called Doc

"Again! How many livers does a person go through" Doc shouted in both shock and exasperation

"Apparently a lot, now let me just take off these locks" O'Malley said as the locks on the doors were heard being taken off "And open the door, as so" O'Malley said opening the door as he stood in the doorway. The man had a classic slicked back brown hair, dark grey eyes and scar over his right eye. He wore a royal purple dress shirt and black dress pants along with black dress shoes. He wore a doctors coat over his shirt with the collar popped out as the bottom of the coat was tattered and dirty while faint blood splotches shown on coat that showed that he tried to get the blood out but did it poorly. The second O'Malley saw Sarge and Simmons he spun around cursing "Doc! Flush the organs, it's a bust!" O'Malley shouted inside the building while Grif face palmed as he had to admit bringing two dressed officers to a back alley doctor was a stupid move

"Wait! We're not here for a bust, in fact I want to hire you for something. . . Oh and we need your help with a case too" Sarge asked as his subordinates looked at him suspiciously but decided not to care because this is Sarge they are talking about and he does crazy shit all the time so they learned to ignore these sort of things

". . . . False alarm! Put the organs back!" O'Malley shouted inside

"But I already put some of the kidneys in the toilet" Doc complained with a tinge of disgust

"Aw~ Toilet water hasn't hurt anyone's kidneys before" Sarge called out to Doc over O'Malley's shoulder

"I'm sure that's because they didn't put their kidneys in toilet water and then put them back inside" Doc called out as they heard his voice coming closer as he soon stood next to O'Malley to show them that he was his twin. Doc had comb back long brown hair that was slightly messy and pulled into a ponytail, he has the same dark grey eyes as his twin but no scar. He wore the exact same thing as his brother but his doctor's coat was clean and well attended. He also wore a pair of purple rectangle glasses

"Oh yea, I bet you 100 Lien that I know a guy" Sarge said jokingly yet a little too serious

"Don't take that bet, you'd lose" O'Malley muttered to Doc

"Can we get onto business, it's getting late and I want to get some sleep" Grif complained as Sarge grumbled

"Fine, come on lets get to business before Grif here falls asleep in some garbage like he does normally because a human being can't smell that horribly" Sarge insulted as Grif flipped him off while O'Malley chuckled lowly

"You I can get along with. Alright get in, I don't like being out for so long" O'Malley said as he walked in with everyone following behind him. Doc closed the door as they all entered what he guess was the living room that was quite furnished with three couches, a silk rug, mounted Beowolf head above the burning chimney and next to the chimney was a purple leather chair That O'Malley sat on as he held up wine glass as swished the wine around before taking a sip

"This quite the place you have" Sarge commented politely ". . . How much of it is stolen" Sarge asked bluntly

"Oh please, the two of use worked to furnished the room. There were days we didn't sleep because we had to work to where we are to-"

"The chair he sitting in is something we actually bought everything else he said he found them" Doc pointed out bluntly

"Dammit foolish brother, don't tell cops we stole this stuff" O'Malley shouted at his brother

"Yea but you just confirmed you stole this stuff" Doc pointed out once more

"Oh shut up you buffoon" O'Malley muttered as he turned away from his brother before looking at the cops "What is it that you want" He demanded

"Well first off, do you have any plus size hearts lying around-"

"Sarge!" Simmons exclaimed at his commanding officer

"Right, right. . . Do you have a spare spleen that I can-"

"SARGE!"

"Oh fine, do you know how to perform an autopsy" Sarge asked grumbling

"Oh we know the finer ways of how people die I assure you" O'Malley said before letting out a maniacal laugh

"That just because he kills the patients who don't pay up. Speaking of which. Grif, where's the money you owe us" Doc clarified as O'Malley got up from his seat and smack his brother upside his head

"Fool! Don't tell cops the things I do" O'Malley chastised his brother "Also where's the money you owe us" O'Malley asked dryly

"Hold on" Grif said as he took some Lien out of Sarge's suitcase

"Hey that's mine!" Sarge shouted as he tackled Grif to the floor as Grif let go of the money as it flew into the air as O'Malley caught it before it fell to the ground

"Wait did you kill someone recently" Simmons asked as he thinks O'Malley was the murderer as he ignored Sarge and Grif fighting on the floor

"Recently no, the most recent person I killed was like. . . Doc when was the last time I. . Went on a nightly stroll" O'Malley said with maniacal chuckle as he finished counting the Lien and put it in his coat

"The last time you did that was about four months ago" Doc stated

"Really!?" O'Malley asked surprised "Business has been slow" O'Malley muttered before turning his attention back to Simmons "Well there's your answer so don't start pinning it on me" O'Malley warned as Sarge got up as Grif slowly pulled himself back on the couch, tired and beaten

"Good let's get to work" Sarge said clapping his hands

"Can't, our shifts are done for the night" Grif said weakly as he pointed to the clock that rang 10

Sarge grumbled violently "Fine, what time tomorrow can you come over to the precinct" Sarge asked dryly

"Doc, what time are we free" O'Malley asked as his brother pulled out a Scroll with a stylus

"Well from when we wake up at 7 we're going a eat a hearty breakfast then at 8 we are going to work on a man who needs a new lung. After that we are going to pick out new wallpaper and from 9-12 we're going to be free unless someone calls for us" Doc explained their day as O'Malley nodded

"Alright we'll be there around 9" O'Malley asked

"Alright, 9 is good" Sarge confirmed

Grif let out a yawn "Well, I'm going home, see ya guys later" Grif said as he picked himself up and walked out of the room

"I'll see at the precinct tomorrow Sarge" Simmons said before following Grif out as that left Sarge with the two back alley doctors

"So. . . about those organs" Sarge asked as O'Malley grinned at him

"You say you wanted a heart and spleen right?" O'Malley asked for clarification

"And some other things. You got any eyes" Sarge asked as O'Malley thought about

"Those are hard to come by but I think we have some in the back" O'Malley guessed

"Well lead the way, and I'll pick out the stuff" Sarge said as he hefted his Lien filled briefcase

"I can see this will be a beautiful partnership" O'Malley said laughing maniacally as Sarge stared at him blankly

". . . . Does he do that a lot" Sarge asked dryly to Doc

"Sadly yes" Doc said with a sigh as Sarge shrugged as he followed O'Malley and Doc to the back to examine the organs before he heads home for the night and continues the investigation tomorrow

* * *

**Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you didn't please keep it to yourself. Now I'll see you in a month or so, so if you please leave a comment, review or PM that'll be great thank you so have a great day and I'll see you all later, bye~**


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